Growing apart/up


Dear; Chad,          6 years later 2016

There’s a reason I never begged for you to come home. It’s not because I don’t love you, it’s because I was able to start loving other people -and to love; I forgot what that felt like.  Johnny Depp always said if you love two people always choose the second one because if you truly loved the first one, you could have never have fallen in love with the second one. I hate that we have a love hate relationship now, but with you bringing in such homewreckers who think they know me or my struggles. That can give you any type of advice, well that isn’t even the problem. Why do strangers I have never met know anything about me in the first place? I have grown up to my own standards, I still party hard to loud music and I have grown to love myself and my friends more than I ever loved anything. I can’t say I am shy anymore, I am actually quite full of myself; thinking I am the star of the show. If we were on camera or we were a movie… I would have the number one role and I would be the star. I had to run away from you because you got to old all of a sudden to fast, you weren’t funny anymore or fun at all. Your style and your personality turned into something/someone else. Your bi polar has seriously gotten the best of you; yes Chad google your medication and see what it says. You once did that to me didn’t you? but then again, I am not on medication; you are. I dont miss you, I hope you dont miss me, because even when I was laying on the floor you walked away. I only had myself to rely on, to find the strength to stand back up on my own two feet and thats who I love most:::: myself. I love my life so much, I love that I didnt miss out on my life; being a kid, college. Even after you emptied my bank account; I got up and I fought back at life; I have my smile and chuckle back, I love to laugh. My love for music has grown to the point that I now write music. You once asked me for ‘your Jess’ back, I am here to tell you… she doesn’t exist anymore. xo J


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