I forgot; he did not

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While I was off being a college student, having the time of my life. I never stopped partying or becoming who I wanted to be to even think about him. I wonder what was it like on his side of the world, was he actually with someone else once again and missing me? When Chad and I go our separate ways to gain experience in life, I always stay single.. because he was my one true love. I do not get with someone filling their heads for half a year that I love them and there will be a future, once again Chad and I are completely different. I was so sure that after doing what I had done, that the ending was exactly what had happened. I wanted Chad to find happiness, to find a place in this world where he belonged. I was off chasing a younger boy, and I wanted him to find love and happiness in the things he did. As I have said before our love for music is so different, we have no mutual friends, our taste in activities and decor are nothing alike.. we truly were each others missing half. You would find me at a bar uptown, taking shots with people, planing an after party, he would be at his uncles enjoying a beer. I turned my house that we planned to raise children in, into a party house. It was spotless, I am a clean freak, its funny because my living room was a pale pink when he left, turned into a lime green; a pot smoking room. It was amazing. I wonder how many nights did he sit up drinking with his family knowing he had to baby sit his little brother who was 20 years younger than him the next morning? How much did he really miss me, to have to find the courage to message me; he always said I make him so nervous. Was it that he knew I sold my home, one of the hardest things; I have ever done. I always thought he’d come home and to sell it knowing now he does not have a home to come back to; was like my final goodbye. Was it a plan all along; financially, or did he truly miss me. From July 2013 to December 2013 it didn’t seem like all that long; to me. Did he spend every night wishing he had done things different? I had forgotten about him, but to know he spent all those nights wanting to just know how I was. What was it about December 18th that made him finally spend me a how are you? My reaction was unreal, I freaked. Did he not know how he breaks me, how I shatter to pieces without him, how I can no longer do this on and off and see how he can be with others. Why must he always come back, why must I warn people I like that I cannot plan a future with you, and if Chad comes back, I don’t know what I will do. For him to message though, it made me realize maybe just maybe, the Chad and Jess story was not over yet. Was there really my old Chad still within the damaged Chad that Leannah had created? How a girl could destroy such a perfect man in 6 months makes my eyes water to this day. I replied to his text and that was the beginning of a new chapter for Romeo and his J.

One of my favourite songs;

 

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