When did it become a story, is it because we have been on and off for to long. Because I got to wear a ring on my finger, earrings in my ears or the necklaces he gave me around my neck? Was it the cards and roses, I received on Valentine’s day or the massages I would get. It’s funny he never asked why my neck was so bad throughout our years, he massaged it and attempted to crack my back. When I was about 11 my dad drove long haul, a car cut him off and instead of running over and killing the family in front of us, he ditched the truck. Only thing is it had no trailer on it so we ended up rolling 3 times, I was in the back on the bunk bed. I ended up knocked out by the fridge and being thrown up front and through the windshield. It was quite the experience, and now I live with a twisted vertebrae; a spinal injury. I have adapted to the largest amount of pain, giving me the tolerance to pain that you could never imagine. When I was upset or awake for to long he would lay down on the floor and tell me to come lay, knowing once I curled up on him that I would fall asleep right away. I think our story changed into a romantic novel, when he would play candy crush stressing about his finances and I would curl up on his lap my head on his chest, my arm around his rib cage and would sleep for hours. He would stay as still as he could so that I could get a good nap in. It was a rough time after my dad’s death sleep was something I would rarely do. I am an addict to soda pop, and every day he would take the stroll to the store to make sure I had at least my average of 2 litres of pop a day.. its funny you say 2 letres, drugs .. did she smoke too? Yes I smoked a pack of belmonts a day, the story of how pop drugs and smokes ruin your teeth could be true but you must take care of them and then like Chad and I, you will have straight perfect white teeth. Back to topic, when he’d come back he would have my favourite in hand… scratch tickets! Crosswords!. Everytime he would make me hand them over to him so he could check them over, funny yet – sad. I would think I won $5 but missed a bit and really it was $15.. haha this use to make him so mad. I would make a cute little facial expression and he would kiss my forehead and run back to the store to exchange our winnings for more. He never left the condo/house or apartment without saying I love you and kissing my forehead or cheek or lips, its funny because I would sometimes be so late ( cause I’m always late ) I would run off without even saying goodbye. If you watched from inside of our house you would have expected me to the unfaithful one not him. My head was filled with so much, I took care of finances and cleaning and cooking and every daily activity – he didn’t have to do anything or think about anything. The thing with “Romeo” & “The Love Of My Life” if you read our text is we had it all. However one of us were just off dealing with something and without the affection we needed we felt we were going to lose the other one. I wish we were best of friends that could openly talk to each other about the deepest of subjects. It’s a thing we lacked as our lives were so different; and Chad’s softball always came first. I remember wanting to go to the beach and he could never find time as ball took over 7 days a week, if not practice then games to the point I wanted to seriously break his pitching arm so that he just couldn’t play. I grew to hate ball the old ass people who played it and the game all together; it became sad for such grown-ups to waste so much time on childness. We could have been epic is all I tell myself over and over but that’s just it Romeo and Juliet had an epic story where they would die for each other, thats what was missing with Chad. His lack to put his personality and the way people viewed his at risk to save me. It ended up where I became the reasons for his defaults in life his failures, but then why always come back? Because I am the only one that makes him feel whole again. There is no happiness for Chad if there is no Jess. So you ask where is he now? I don’t have time to explain to some – the definition of black mail, but we all know thats the only reason he never made his way back home this time.
“Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting.” ― J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan.
A song Chad sent me in the summer of 2013 & now I understand the lyrics.