Meeting someone is easy, that’s what they say, if you introduce yourself smile and then they will fall right in love with you. If only you could have told your parents, life doesn’t work like that. It was a crazy year, I was 21 and spent a whole year partying, indulging in a mountain of powder and alcohol. Summer had arrived again; I couldn’t help myself, he was about 150lbs small framed, about 5″9, brown eyes-brown hair.. tattooed right up, just standing there across from my condo. My neighbour… I can tell you; I have a thing for a skater boy, nice kicks, a hurley shirt and sweatpants… wearing a baseball cap. Right there, I should have known.. he was to perfect to be perfect. Chad use to be one of the sexiest men I have ever met, spent longer in the bathroom then I did, had his own hair stylist and of course a clean-shaved face.. I cannot stand facial hair. But, after our first date, a movie; new moon ha! And of course he fell asleep in the theatre,.. I grew to love Chad… the broke, emotionally damaged Chad who came from a broken family, an semi-abusive dad when he was younger, a gambling addicted mother who cheated on his dad. The boy who left a town up north to find himself in the city, starting over by himself with his dad in grade 9. Leaving his 2 sisters and mom behind. That should have been a sign right there, how he was already trained at such a young age to leave the women he loved so much behind and to just start over. But this is the sob story you hear when you meet Chad as I did on my belcony – the beginning of it all, his story that justifies his own behaviours, but you cant help but want to be someone he can lean on. Chad and I became a couple that did everything together, from spinach dip and drinks on a patio, to fishing anywhere in the area. We went to bars and right away you could tell, he felt like he got apart of his youth back.. the side of Chad no one ever gets to see. I use to have to pull him off the dance floor before the end of the night – so we could get a cab home, his funny voices, watching jersey shore and screaming CABS ARE HERE!!… the side that you know he didn’t have before.. a fun Chad. A Chad with no rules and no judgement that came from home and thats who I fell in love with. A boy with so many insecurities that finally got to be someone who wasnt judged. This is why his world would not approve of me, I am not one who cares much about anothers opinions, I do not get embarrassed easy. I will dance the night away and party hard, I was raised to be whoever I wanted to be and you only live once. (Yolo). I guess thats why he always came back, a wild side in his new bi-polar story.. a miss for thrill, for the lack of me judging him.. so I always wondered, when did it start for it to be okay to judge me, to hurt me, I guess we will never know. He once said he was numb, and now I know what that means.. the knowing of a face of loving someone but being incapable to do so. Thats how he left me, to go work on myself to pick myself up off the floor, where he had left me… boy how we have changed. I never thought he’d become the people he once blamed for cheating gambling and abuse. But then again when does reality really have a perfect ending, and who am I to think in the end it would really happen? I will forever love the boy I see in this picture a man from 6 years ago that could make me feel like I could get through anything, my soul mate.. but then again what novel story doesnt have tears heart ache and misery? I will always wonder what could have happened if society had kept their noses out of our business. What influences would we have given each other and who we would be today, cause I still live life a little lost without him.. but at least I can admit, I love who I am today, even if I’m a troubled; little broken-hearted girl. I am okay with who I have become.. I wonder; is he?
2010, a life time ago; Chad & Jess